recently discovered androgyne
I've been confused about my sexual orientation for about a year, (I'm about to turn 17, bio female) and I thought that was the issue. Soon after I started searching for an answer to my sexuality, I also realized that I was utterly confused about my gender. I don't think I realized before then because it was never an issue. I've been homeschooled my whole life and I never thought about it. After a year of searching for an answer and doing extensive research on the topics of transgenderism and all that is entailed with it, I discovered some passages about a third sex. So I started researching that and found androgynes. As I started to read more and more I finally got that moment where things just clicked into place and I realized that I was androgyne. Because when I was first trying to figure out my sexuality, I would think about being a lesbian, or being straight, or bi, and none of that seemed... right. But now I know that as androgyne, those terms don't have much meaning to me because those terms have to be used compared to something else. And since I don't identify as female, if I like females, that doesn't make me a lesbian at all.
I've cross-dressed before and I found it felt amazing when people actually thought I was a guy, and called me "he". But on a normal day-to-day basis, I don't think I'm androgynous enough to pass. I'm very short, 5'2", and I have long hair. I do enjoy my long hair, but I wish that I could be seen as a male with long hair if I so choose. So far that hasn't worked out. Often I wear guy's clothing, and I like it, but sometimes (a lot of times) my mom has issues with it because she thinks I look sloppy. I haven't as of yet come out to her or any of my family as androgyne. I've only come out to a few friends, and they have accepted it reletively well, but I'm not sure they understand it. I have one friend who I've had a number of conversations with about it, and I do think she gets it as she feels androgynous at times.
I've also come to the conclusion that I'm pansexual, because that fits in the best with this new identity, I believe. I have to experiment a bit more with that.
I've dual enrolled at my local college all of last year, and I'm going back again in a couple days. I was thinking about using a male name informally with my classmates to test it out. I would like to use the name Tristan and see how people percieve it. I know it's not the most masculine name, but I feel it is more androgyne than my current female name.
If anybody has any advice for me it would be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much! I'm so glad to have found this community. I would love to talk to any of you about anything.
Thanks again. :)