vampire bat

Introduction and conundrums

Love this place. Thank you guys for existing!

So, basically I'm female-bodied, but my entire identity runs very strongly toward a more male me. I want to be adrogynous, but with a male name, male pronouns, male chest, etc. Does that make sense? Luckily I'm very small chested, but binding is still a pain in the ass. I want to go on T to masculinize mself and get top surgery.

Right now I'm trying my damnedest and I'm still reading as female to everyone. Seriously. I'm very thin, petite, girlish face, so on and so forth. I do tend to confuse children and a few times people have called me 'that boy' or 'sir', only to look closer and backtrack furiously.

Heres my problem. I'm going to do this, no two ways around it.

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  • jitusk


I'm having a lot of trouble with this recently: the matter of invisibility.

I personally identify as more of a boy than a girl, but more of a feminine boy and a masculine girl. It's all mixed up and 100% queer through and through.

However, I don't exactly achieve much androgyny physically, and androgyny is my chosen presentation. I can't say I exactly have some burning, dysphoric desire to be in a male body- it would have been nice, I think, but I can't go back and change it. But what gets me is the invisibility.

I'm tiny, thin, and very feminine. No matter how I alter my behaviour, attempt to speak differently, it's a rare day people will identify me as anything other than WOMAN. Sometimes I don't really give a damn. I think, it's not my fault these idiots assume female is synonymous with woman.

But at this point in time, I can't stand it.
I want to be seen as an androgynous boy! And this is the only thing that gets me to thinking about top surgery and low dose hormones. Not that I really want to try and convince some medical goon I really have intense body dysphoria and therefore maybe I can be deserving of any kind of treatment.

And then I read material on trans* and genderqueer issues and perspectives, and all I hear about is how people who are physically masculine women or feminine men and feel the same way struggle against discrimination. But what about those of us who identify that way mentally, and aren't fortunate enough to have the matching body?

I'm upset and feeling a little isolated, and at the moment I don't feel I have many places to vent. =/

Am I making sense? Or am I just unreasonably freaking out?

Surmounting paradigms (in relationships)

The moment isn’t ripe just yet

It’s lacking that sheen

That grey-purple hue

Of Melancholy’s sunset


I anticipate the motion

That anticipates the moment

Neurochemical conversation;

Voices, berating


My tongue won’t move!

The words can’t form

But now’s the time to say it

Meaning’s window is open;

Delivery’s path curves.


A hand on a shoulder

A sensational alternative

Succeeds in eliciting a glance

Illuminated by

Sparks, astonished;


I swear I could have lit

My cigarette by them

Placed it between

His full lips, so as to have

A path to follow as he

Walked away


But he stayed

And inhaled my presence

At the moment

I longed for him to be

Addicted; the qualifier

Of his air




Epicene pronoun survey


Hello! I am conducting a short non-scholarly study on epicene (gender-neutral) pronoun usage. I will be using these results to help me develop and publish a pamphlet on epicene pronouns for my university's GLBTQQIA resource center geared towards members of the queer community who are not familiar with them. Once produced, it will be available to others who are interested upon request.

All information is anonymously provided; you will not be asked for any information that could identify you.

If you have any questions or concerns, please feel free to contact me at abarre at emich dot edu. Thank you again for your participation!

Additionally, if you're a member of any related communities/forums/etc where you think this would be relevant, please feel free to repost! Thank you!

Survey for epicene pronoun users

I apologize if you see this a few times, I'm posting to related communities that I am a member of.

Family Guy's Transphobic Mother's Day Episode

Family Guy an animated television series on Fox aired an extremely transphobic episode on Mother's Day. The episode called "Quagmire's Dad" was about a big life change for his father, a recognized Navy war hero veteran. The episode is filled with homophobic and transphobic language and judgment.

Take action by emailing and tell them to pull the episode off the air.

Hello lovelies

I need a place to vent...

Like most of you I identify as an androgyne, and I'm fine feeling as though I don't suscribe to the antiquated gender paradigm. I'm used to feeling balanced and at peace.

But this morning I woke up with a strong desire to have female anatomy. Still feeling as though I am of a fluid gender, but desiring the female anatomy instead of the male anatomy.

It has just...startled me a little. As I've been writing this down I've regained my internal composure, though, so I must thank you all before you've even read this!

I can't describe how beautiful it feels to be able to come to a like-minded and accepting community with these problems.

Thank you all so much x
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Join the Tribeca Protest Over "Ticked Off Trannies" Film

A demonstration against the Tribeca Film Festival's choice to feature the movie "Ticked Off Trannies With Knives" will take place in NYC tonight. The movie promotes transphobia and makes light of the rape and violence all too often directed at transwomen. In addition to the offensive title of the movie, the film portrays transwomen as being performers.